Trump Cancels Social Security for 12 Million Americans

The Villages, FL—Today, in an insane move by the Trump administration, the President has signed an executive order to cancel the Social Security benefits of over 12 million Americans, some of whom have been receiving benefits since the Civil War.

“It’s nuts! Some of these people are still young!” squawked Nancy Pelosi, famous stock trader. “They’re barely older than those of us in Congress, for chrissake!”

We reached out to a few of the older ones to see what they planned to do but, strangely, they hadn’t returned our request for comment by publishing time.

“It’s crazy that you have these people who have been relying on their benefits for 60 years all to have them snatched away. What are they supposed to do? It was like the grim reaper just came and took everything from them without warning,” said Senator Bernie Sanders, who’s seen his fair share of grim reapers. “They paid at least $10 into that system in 1932 and they are owed this money! It’s all just a Koch brothers proposal to net them more money!”

When informed that there’s only one remaining Koch brother, Bernie told us that he would have to update his messaging to reflect that. “At least he died before they cut off his benefits,” Bernie told us.

The move leaves Americans 1865 and older wondering what they’ll do next.

Brosé Sanchez

America First voice from Florida. Shares bold takes on culture, hypocrisy & history. Pronouns are: I, you, he/she, we, you, they. You should've learned that in grade school.

• Read more by Brosé Sanchez
• @joe_clay
• Florida