Democrats Rebrand to Trump over Shutdown Backlash

Washington, D.C.—The Democrats have backed themselves into a corner over the government shutdown. As 42 million Americans are about to go without SNAP benefits in just a few days, it’s becoming increasingly hard for the Democrats to not look like the villains as they keep voting NO on a clean Continuing Resolution—or CR—to reopen the government and get the money flowing again.

Since October 1st, Democrats have kept the government closed—and actual American citizens unpaid—because they’ve been trying to dirty up the CR by adding funding for illegal immigrants.

“You know how you get discounts when you switch your cell phone plan, but loyal customers are treated like crap?” asked House Rep Pramila Jayapal, “Well, this is basically like that but for people who came here illegally.”

Online, the Democrats were getting demolished by people demanding that they just pass a clean CR. One X user questioned why the Democrats constantly want to give money to people who shouldn’t even be here in the first place. That tweet got Adam Schiff thinking. Maybe it wasn’t the Democrats who were at fault here? The Democrats are excellent at branding. They constantly change the meaning of words. They’re excellent at gaslighting. Maybe they could use those tactics here?

So over the weekend, Adam Schiff and Congressional Democrats hatched a plan. Instead of trying to destroy Trump, why not become him? On Monday, the Democrats emerged as Trump, having rebranded their party name.

“This is a move that just made sense,” said House Rep Melanie Stansbury. “It makes it a lot easier for us to clean up our horrible image and Trump is a word we use constantly already.”

“My secret kink is to pee on people’s faces and tell them it’s Trump,” said Senator Adam Schiff, “So I thought, why not just take that national?”

There’s a media blitz on X and in the mainstream media right now by former Democrats trumpeting that Trump has all the power to reopen the government, which has been made true because of this rebrand.

“Wait, so the Democrats are now going by Trump so that they can accuse Trump of doing what they’re doing because it’s actually them doing it?” asked House Rep Jim Jordan. “Sadly, that makes total sense,” he sighed.

Brosé Sanchez

America First voice from Florida. Shares bold takes on culture, hypocrisy & history. Pronouns are: I, you, he/she, we, you, they. You should've learned that in grade school.

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